origins of violence & curiosity

we think we want to deal with fact using ideas as tools but most of what we do is about feelings, the ideas are like makeup, the facts only impinge or compel.

participant-observer event types:
1. solo - i observe myself
2. dual - i observe another thing
   a. single observer
   b. plural observer (different dynamic, participant # gradient to be discussed later)
3. one can hypothesize interactions in more dimensions but they are difficult to notice, having to do among other things with relatively longer passages of time.  the essential element of multiparty events is complexity.

people can change.  i became an athlete.  solo.  per above scheme "athletics" is not about teamwork or theatre, rather a change in an individual's conformation (body, lifestyle) that brings personal benefits.  for me to do my athletic stuff for any reason other than purest "i want to" would be caving in to the peremptory conditional imperatives of others.  awards, recognition, social advancement, etc.  pah.  if it doesn't feel good i don't want to have to do it.  it has been the development of a craving for a feeling that makes me want to sweat every day, run through a session, makes me feel good.  that's why.

sleep schedule got regular.  bowel behavior too.

in school we learned a bunch of right answers, not how to figure out if an answer is correct.  math, the only subject in which how to find the right answer is the point of the thing, is taught so badly that most of us hate it & refuse to do it in life & that's why we have money problems.

beyond the hidden & untaught process of how to find out if an answer is right there is the extremely fertile and even more hidden & untaught process of figuring out why and how something is wrong.  this disinclination to intensively investigate failure stems i think from the behavior of our most primitive animal ancestors, whose method of proceeding through the world was to worm through the bacterial mat eating from the front, pooping from the back, unable to turn around.  leaving the poop behind is the most basic animal adventure.  only wierdo worms would go to the trouble of backing up to investigate its droppings.  normal worms would not understand.

but the wierdo worm would perhaps find out that the bacterial mat fills in the left behind tunnel with more robust & tasty bacteria, or maybe even that something growing in the poop comes chasing after them down the tube & gets into them, grows inside, itches, some of the worms die.  only wierdo worms might have a chance of finding these things out.  most of the worms are straight ahead normal worms, no interest in stuff on the side, or in back.

so - try to perfect the ever-onward quest function or go for the peeloff into unknown territory?