the lunch is naked

1. there it is on the fork.  it was alive, maybe its still alive in the shell.  i'm going to eat it.  there it was out there in the sun doing its thing.  now it is stuck on the fork, in the shell, broken open, doused with acid, i'm going to put it in my mouth & kill it & eat it.  it tastes so good.  the plant seeds: i will steal their future & use it to make my own.  it is delicious, their future. 

2. to jump past the known limitations into the unknown limitations.  a guy on radio describing how he died: i felt my body shutting down then i died.  he did not explain.  they had brought him back.  there he was again.  as if he had switched off, not present yet not somewhere else.  a more comprehensive absence.

yesterday an associate was introduced to i think its called neural programming, i'll fix that apellation (skin, flagging data) later.  he was given a video game he had to control with his brain via applied electrodes.  there was of course no detailed instruction, he had to learn by himself, like riding a bike, only one way (unless of course one has learned how to examine & how to learn)  (how to learn how to examine?  examine examination.  learning?  find out what it is necessary to learn, learn it, make sure it is learned.)

the experience was described as "weird."  there were "funny feeling."  after the session there was fatigue but it was all "mental."  fassbinder said that peripheral vision takes more energy than central, brain activity uses a lot of our calories, the session involved use of previously not noticed mental "muscles" (pathways): extra energy use: fatigue.

weirdness said to have continued at low lever through afternoon until a nap.  upon awakening "disorientation" was reported along with "not nausea bit like it," not "anxiety" but like it, "not a headache but like it, etc."  and more.  we discussed the possibility of actual organismic illness: virus, etc.  then the possibility that "self-awareness" is the effect of a viral infection, the virus controlling our activities to further its viral genetic ends, a point of view not well received in a person who claims not to know what to do with the gift of life & carrying around guilt, etc. in attempt to balance the imbalance.  if however, the weirdness was actually related to the np session it could conceivably be likened to a serious physical workout session: various kinds of muscle soreness maybe some are never before experienced.  in that case it can be gotten used to, perhaps a new tool for doing things in life. 

but will it help to decide "what to do?"  one goes to one's pandora's box, tells oneself the thing i take out is what i'll be.  take the thing out: ew, yuck.  put it  back in, try again.  as opposed to other "mes" who just get up and go toward something, whatever it happens to be.  as opposed to happening to be born in a system that pre-assigned the unit before manufacture (or after treatment & inspection) & that was that none of that think-for-yourself stuff for us thankyou.  no, it won't.  still looking for the chemicals that will reliably produce raw volition.